what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
