so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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