I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
