Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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