Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
