We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
