You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
