Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
