Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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