it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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