I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
