Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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