I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
