did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
