Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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