Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
