Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
