hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
