woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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