I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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