so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize