Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
