you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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