I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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