Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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