you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
