the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
