whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
