She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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