I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
