I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
