Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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