the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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