My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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