They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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