I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just high enough for therapy.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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