when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
