I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
