just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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