she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
