I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
