Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
