she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
