I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
