Tell her she can't have a vagina
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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