i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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