So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
