What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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