We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
