I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
