I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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