I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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