Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
