Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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