I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize