Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize