I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize