My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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