I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
