So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
