if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
