Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
