Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
