Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
