I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
